Phrases You Don't Want To Hear

[S Carver Orne]

"Hey look, flying crabs."

[Raziel]

"I'm pregnant and it's your son's"

[Tonus]

That's not as bad as "I'm pregnant and it's yours, son."

[S Carver Orne]

:lol:

[Dr. L]

"Yes we can!"

[Demented]

"You might want to sit down before I give you your lab results"

[Grunthos]

"A tentacle coming out of my what?!?"

[Dr. L]

"599 US dollars!"

[Demented]

"are you done yet?"............... not that I would know that one from personal experience

[Dr. L]

"It puts the lotion on its skin...."

[Ythogtha]

Okay, so this is the part of the procedure when we attach the car battery to your nipples…

[Demented]

"O.k. bend over and touch your toes. Good now I shall proceed."

[Ythogtha]

I don't know what happened to the dog! Mr. Muffins got wet, I put him in the microwave to dry him off...

[Little Bug]

Your car that you just made the first payment on is in a ditch...



that one sucked, but not as bad as.


I backed the car you just got yesterday into a tree stump...

[Demented]

"The big news on next years blockbuster summer movie is the $150 Million remake of the legendary "Citizen Kane", and you know you can't go wrong with the leading man they have in store, Pauly Shore."

[Ythogtha]

Think of it like a colonoscopy, except we go through the orifice of your penis...

[Grunthos]

Oh, so that's what a spleen looks like.

[S Carver Orne]

"I believe it may have evolved from a slime mold found in your laundry hamper."

"John, I'm pregant and it's yours."
"Bridgette, my name is Ethan."

"Holy shit a giant fucking monster with the face of Mickey Rooney destroyed the city!"

"I watch you sleep at night."

[Ythogtha]

"This is your captain speaking, on the left you can now observe the majestic Mount Kilamanjar... oh, crap!"

[Demented]

You remind me of my ex, I miss him. He disappeared mysteriously one night after we had a fight, never to be heard from again.

[Ythogtha]

Phrases you don't want to hear on a date:

"Sorry about the cell phone in the theater, but my wife could go into labor any minute now."

"Don't worry about protection, silly -- I'm already pregnant

"It seems like only yesterday that Satan welded my crotch shut."

"My imaginary friend wants to know how you feel about threesomes."

[Ythogtha]

During surgery:

"Ogan fight!"

[S Carver Orne]

"Pardon me, sir. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave - the other patrons are beginning to complain about your face."

[Dr. L]

"I see your silly place....*grin*"

[Grunthos]

(From your proctologist) "Kancho!"

[Dr. L]

"Don't worry Monsieur, I will not flee on you!"

[Grunthos]

"Well, at least your property tax will go way down."

[Demented]

It doesn't look as bad as other people think.......(barf)

[Ythogtha]

Nurse, when I ask for the rape kit, I do not want a box with a mask, flashlight and a map of the park…

[Grunthos]

What do you mean, it tastes like chicken entrails?

[Ythogtha]

(From your proctologist) "Just breath, I'm going to have to go in deep on this one..."

[Ythogtha]

"So, you mean you looked like this before she attacked you!?"

[S Carver Orne]

"Of course the testicles won't have to be removed. They'll eventually rot and fall off by themselves."

[Ythogtha]

Mom, dad, this is my new husband... Ythogtha *heavy breathing from mask*

[S Carver Orne]

"Nilbog? What the hell is Nilbog?"

[Ythogtha]

So, we'll insert this through your rectum and pull it out through you nose, and...

[S Carver Orne]

"Unfortunately, Mrs. Johnson, we were only able to save your husband's head. Of his penis."

[Ythogtha]

"Unfortunately, Mrs. Johnson, we were only able to save your husband's head. Of his penis."

LMAO!

It’s a shame how Mark went, torn apart by mimes like that. There was just blood and white face paint everywhere...

[Ythogtha]

I'm sorry about that...

*bends over to pick something up*

Here's your nipple.

[Grunthos]

(the sound of your proctologist putting his second hand on your other shoulder)

[S Carver Orne]

I'm afraid you got your lines backed up near 10 feet toward the back. Your septic system is even worse than your ass.

[Demented]

Excuse me sir license, registra..... oh it's you again

[Ythogtha]

Zip

(the sound of your proctologist's pants zipper)

[Ella Ross]

Honey I'm sorry my cycle won't stop so now they are going to have to do surgery... maybe they'll just sew it shut?

[Ythogtha]

"Hi, we're from the government. Everything's under control..."

[S Carver Orne]

"We officially support and recognize this one world government and its honorable leader, Barack Hussein Obama."

[Ythogtha]

"We officially support and recognize this one world government and its honorable leader, Barack Hussein Obama."

Paranoid much?

"Don't worry, you'll love the job. I mean, you've never lived until you've been elbow deep in a cow's vagina!"

[Tonus]

"Okay Mister Brix, you can inspect my parrace. Just step a rittle to your reft. A rittle more..."

[S Carver Orne]

Paranoid much?

I thought this was things you don't want to hear, not "keep people who voted for Obama from feeling uncomfortable." :lol:

"I'm sorry, sir. You have head lice. Wait, wrong chart. You have aids."

[Ythogtha]

"I'm sorry, sir. You have head lice. Wait, wrong chart. You have aids."

:lol:

"And I'd like you to meet the surgeon for your procedure, Bicycle Donny" (inside joke for BCK)

[Grunthos]

Obama saying, "...let me be clear........" one more time, as he waits for the teleprompter to display the lie-du-jour.

[Ythogtha]

From your pilot:

"Attention, the cabin of the plane has just depressurized, but I think we're okay..."

"What the hell does this doohickey do!?"

"Dude, I am soooooo baked..."

"Attention, this is your captain speaking. I'd like to celebrate getting my suspended license back, so drinks are on me!"

[S Carver Orne]

"Dude, look at this. What is this big thing growing on the rim of my asshole?"

[Ythogtha]

"Dude, look at this. What is this big thing growing on the rim of my asshole?"

Reply:

"I'm not sure. Hold on, I'll get the tongs so I can lift it up..."

[Grunthos]

"I couldn't find the tongs, but I got the nailclippers..."

[S Carver Orne]

Ahhhhh god G lol

[Ythogtha]

Posted sign at building's entrance:

“Notice: Bags, purses, clothes and epidermis will be thoroughly checked before entering”

[Ythogtha]

Geesh, stop your screaming, I was only taking a bite. Here's your baby back.

[Ythogtha]

I'm sorry dude, I didn't me to fall into your grandma...

[S Carver Orne]

I'm sorry dude, I didn't me to fall into your grandma...

Freud x2 :lol:

[Demented]

You see this little part well that was your problem only $1.97, but the damage it did.......

[Grunthos]

"You'd never guess from the taste, huh?"

[Ythogtha]

"Wow, I never knew a mime would take so many bullets to put down..."

[Tonus]

"Wow, I never knew a mime would take so many bullets to put down..."
Erm, the title of the thread is Phrases you DON'T want to hear...

[Ythogtha]

"What are you reading son?"

"It's a book from school. My professor gave us all copies. We're going to have a big test on it, counts for like 50% of our grade."

"Oh, yeah. What's it called?"

"The Necronomicon."

[Grunthos]

This headline. Espeically from this writer.

Woman Sets Fire to Man's Genitals
Updated: Saturday, 08 Aug 2009, 11:27 AM EDT
Published : Friday, 07 Aug 2009, 5:20 PM EDT

By LILY FU

A Greek woman set fire to a British man's genitals at a club after he allegedly made sexual advances on her.

The unidentified woman is being praised by her hometown in Crete for what she did and for also turning herself in to police immediately after the alleged incident. She has been charged with causing bodily injury and endangering private property, according to the Telegraph .

Police said that the incident took place at a club in the Greek resort town of Malia. The British man, who police have also not yet identified, allegedly took off his pants there and waved his genitals at a number of girls. He is then said to have "forcefully fondled" the Greek woman and asked her to hold his genitals.

The woman asked the man to stop harassing her, police said, and when he didn't, she poured Sabucco, a liquor that resembles Greek ouzo, on his private area.

When the man continued his advances, police said that's when the woman set fire to his genitals using a lighter.

The man is currently at in a Heraklion, Crete, clinic being treated for second-degree burns to his testicles and penis.

The judge and prosecutor in the case have agreed to set the woman free pending trial, which is an indication that they agreed with her argument of self-defense.

In July a New York man claimed his wife burned his genitals when she poured hot water on him while he was sleeping . He told the New York Post that she was upset over his infidelity.

[Tonus]

She has been charged with causing bodily injury and endangering private property

Heh.

[Little Bug]

"I'm sorry, I cannot preform this surgery on your wife."

"But why not?"

"Because she's a human being."

"What?"

"Sir, I'm a Veterinarian."


(ok, so sue me, I'm not the best at creating jokes.)

[Dr. L]

"Lie back and think of England"

[King Mafy Ruler of All]

"It's about to get a little gay in here" (as someone closes the door behind you)

[Agent Cay]

Remember what we promised ten of you? Turns out that we meant binary ten.

[Dr. L]

"A sigh of sepulchral air escaped as Ms. Clinton lifted her blouse."

[Tonus]

"What does Marsellus Wallace look like"

[SubtleHurricane]

"Oh look, a piece of a broken condom came out of you."




...feels bad man. D:

[Dexter]

"Your new president, Sarah Palin"

[Aaron]

Its over